A Battle Worth Fighting?

Every morning has been "one of those mornings", lately. One of our children, to remain nameless, has issues with her clothing. Unfortunately for her, we live in a society where clothing is not optional. She just about can't stand anything.

Even as a small child, she didn't like the seam on the toe of socks. Her underwear rubbed her wrong, shirts couldn't have any kind of decorations that included a seam or elastic or lace or sleeves, even. She doesn't like "long sleeve shorts" (pants) of any kind, and the shorts have to fit just right. Not too baggy, not too tight, and they have to sit on the hip, not the waist. She prefers elastic waistband shorts to snaps or buttons, but the "crouch" (crotch) can't hang too low. Socks must be ankle socks. She would prefer that they not be seen above her shoe, but they can't slide down into her shoe either.

I think you get the idea. Buying her clothes is a nightmare. After they are bought, you wake up to realize the nightmare has just begun. Half of what she chooses and likes or even loves, in the store, will never be worn again. Or worse, she will wear it for a while and suddenly, it doesn't fit right anymore. I'm not talking about her REALLY outgrowing clothes, I mean like a week or two later, when her preferences change.

All of this to say, it is difficult in the mornings, because this child NEVER HAS ANYTHING TO WEAR. No matter how much is hanging in her closet. Almost everyday, she asks to wear something that is in the dirty clothes. (Meaning she had just worn it.) It absolutely infuriates me to be asked EVERYDAY, if I have done a certain load of clothes. My laundry is absolutely overwhelming sometimes, washing clothes for 8 people and I do the best I can. Either help me, or quit asking about it!!!

Yesterday morning, we had a sock problem. For about a year, she had 3 pairs of socks that she was willing to wear. That is exhausting. There are 7 days in a week, 3 pairs of socks makes for a laundry nightmare. I went back to the store where the socks were purchased and they no longer carry that style. I looked online, no luck. We finally found some different socks that she liked. Yeah. Woo Hoo!!! She had like 7-8 pairs now. Great, the sock problem solved.

NOT FOR LONG!!! She recently went shopping with her birthday money and bought - oh no- 3 pairs of socks (in neon colors, I might add). Now, guess what. She ONLY LIKES THEM!!! The 7-8 pairs of plain socks that she had been wearing for months will no longer do. Back to 3 pair that she will wear. And yesterday, they were all 3 dirty.

I really do believe in choosing our battles. Some things are just not worth the effort of fighting over. Of course, we will always fight over moral or ethical issues, spiritual situations and anything where their safety is involved, but sometimes, we don't fight over things that will have little consequences that can by themselves teach our children lessons. I think that it is important to let them fail in little things to teach them how to handle the failure and correct it on their own.

For some reason, yesterday, I couldn't think clearly about this choice to fight or not to fight. I was NOT letting her wear DIRTY SOCKS to school. Something in me just snapped and I was going to win this fight. She was going to wear those OTHER socks that now might as well be from the devil as far as she is concerned. This determination in me led to screaming and yelling, many, many tears and then deceit.

She crossed the line. Somehow, without me knowing it, she dug through the dirty clothes and found a pair of the socks she likes. She folded them up, sneaked passed me and put them in her sock drawer. She then HAPPILY pulled them out as though she had just discovered a miracle. "Look Mom, here's a pair". Does she think that I was born yesterday? Does she think that I am stupid? I knew all 3 pair were in the dirty clothes. I had just sorted the laundry 15 minutes earlier. I put those socks in that basket (after I picked them up off her floor!! - That's a story for another day).

Deceit. Sneakiness. Lying. Now, I no longer have the choice to fight or not. I MUST WIN!! It has become an issue of disobedience and sin. To let her wear the dirty socks now is out of the question. Consequences have to be issued. We decided that this crime was worth losing her most favorite activity. Gymnastics. Not only would she not be able to participate, but she would have to go and watch the other girls practice, because some of our other children have gym and I had somewhere to go that night. Plus, I didn't want her to be able to sit at home and watch TV or read or do something else enjoyable. She had to sit and watch others doing the very thing she wanted to be doing.

We are still learning, as parents. I think we will always be learning. We don't ever get to the point of always knowing what to do or how to do things. Each child is different and has to be treated that way. One of the hardest things for me, is to stick with a punishment that breaks their hearts. Even when I know that a broken heart is what they need to break a pattern of disobedience or rebellion. If I had been the one at gymnastics with her, I probably would have given in and let her go. Thankfully, her Daddy was there and he stuck with our punishment.

I say "thankfully" because at least for today, it worked. She got up this morning and got dressed without so much as a negative word. She didn't fight about what to wear or what was clean (and the 3 socks were clean but not folded yet so she doesn't have them on). What a significant difference!!! There was no yelling, and screaming. No fighting and NO TEARS!! I guess this WAS a battle worth fighting.